El Gordo's Revenge

El Gordo's Revenge was a suburban St. Louis band formed by two 15 year-olds when they realized playing Ramones songs was a lot easier than trying to play Iron Maiden songs. An early proto-EGR featured four students from Parkway Central High School in Chesterfield, Missouri. This lineup formed when acne-ridden Kevin Schneider and corpulent Matt Picker noticed Black Flag stickers on a nearby locker. They soon recruited the inhabitants of said locker despite the fact that neither Mike Virag, who looked 30 when he was 16, nor Adrian Martinez, a Mexican Jew, had ever played drums or bass. After winning their high school's battle of the bands (but getting disqualified for cursing and breaking a microphone) and playing something called "the Psycho Pera", Adrian and Mike moved to Seattle. (at some point the band briefly played with drummer Aristotle Kumpis or Tallis for short. His name was immediately bastardized to Aris Twat-hole or Phallus for short. He left to play in a Nirvana cover band) Kevin and Matt soon found replacements in bassist Nate Pionke, who was fat, and drummer Collin Smith, who was as black. This lineup saw the band play its first "real" shows and a select few consider it superior to later versions largely due to the zany antics of Collin Smith, who enjoyed telling racially-charged jokes that belied his African-American heritage. Collin also had a penchant for leaving his drum kit at the end of the show and strutting around in nothing but rhinestone boots, a sequined black cape and a blonde wig. Eventually Mike Virag moved back from Seattle after his girlfriend cheated on him with Larry from The Degenerats (who, ironically, EGR later played with in Kansas City) and began playing in the band once again - this time on guitar, which he's better at than bass. For some reason Nate and Collin quit or were kicked out or something. Matt Picker switched from guitar to drums and young Matt Wicks, another Parkway Central student and pals with Matt's little brother, joined on bass. This is the most well-known lineup of the group and showcases their growing musical talent as well as their increasingly esoteric and arbitrary songwriting style. The band's unique blend of classic punk and hardcore, hard rock, early rock 'n' roll, heavy metal and utter nonsense made them one of the top St. Louis bands of the mid-to-late 90s. During their three year reign of terror, they put out 3 cassette only albums, a 10" LP and a few compilation tracks. The band also played with some of the top national acts of the day, including the Promise Ring, Subhumans, the Donnas, Groovie Ghoulies, Mr. T. Experience, the Loudmouths, Very Metal, Acid Flesh, Zvook, and even played Cottleville hardcore fest '97 and Warped Tour '98 - where they were offered a record deal on Lookout! EGR broke up in 1998 in part because their bass player began listening to far too much hip-hop, but mostly because the band as a whole was sick of playing crappy songs about tacos and Bronson Pinchot at breakneck speed.